Hello ma’am, good to meet you. Yes, we’re new in town and we’re opening up a new location.
My boss sent us around to promote this new store, yes, he sent us to tell you--do you have allergies? No?
The woman in the doorway shakes her head, holding her little dog in her arms.
Well this air purifier helps with allergies, hay fever, asthma, great for the home. We’re giving away this little model for free. Yes, free!
All we ask is that you tell your friends, family, and neighbors about our new store and how great this purifier is. We’re trying to get good word of mouth. So here--you take that.
The saleswoman hands the woman in the doorway a small, off-white cardboard box with a torn top.
It’s our gift to you. Now, ma’am, all we ask is that you tell your friends, family, and neighbors all about us--that you like the purifier, and that they should come check out our new store.
The woman turns to shut the door.
Oh, ma’am, one second--
The saleswoman reaches out and takes back the box. The woman notices the store logo on the saleswoman’s blue polo, on the right side of her chest; a white triangle and the word PHOSGENE in plain black font.
Are you the queen of the castle? You are! Can I give you a quick demonstration?
The saleswoman puts her foot in the door and comes inside the house.
See, I don’t get credit for this with my boss if I don’t show you how it works.
Now ma’am, I’m going to need a little bit of water. Can you get me some water? Is there an outlet around here?
My, you have a lovely home. And you’re here all alone?
The woman walks through the house, to the kitchen, and fills a half-pint jar with water.
She hands it to the saleswoman and points out the outlet to the right of the front door.
No, that’s not enough water. Here, take this reservoir, just fill that up, yes, over half way. Good.
Now you’ll see these bubbles, that’s purifying your air. Yes, and this mist? That is, too.
This little thing wouldn’t do you any good in a big room like this. It would work in a back office, bedroom, spare room. Do you do any scents?
The woman stares at her.
Oils, fragrance, Febreze? Ah, candles, okay.
Well if you have some essential oils you can drop those right in here, just a drop or two and it will make your whole house smell great. You have some in the back room? Yes, you can go get some--
The woman doesn’t move.
Oh, okay. Now ma’am, is your husband home? This presentation doesn’t count with my boss unless your partner is home.
He’s not? Well, okay. You stay right here and my colleague is going to show you the step-up from this little thing.
The saleswoman steps back to the front door, opening it for a stringy man in a matching blue polo with greasy blond hair. The man is carrying two different boxes, much larger than the first, and a battered leather case.
Now ma’am, I’m going to go talk with some of your neighbors about this while my partner here shows you the big-boy version, the real deal.
The saleswoman leaves, the storm door shrieking as it closes behind her. The man begins unpacking boxes and the woman catches the scent of ozone, sweat, musty hay.
Now ma’am nice to meet you, we’ve got a new location in town. Purifiers like this can run you four thousand dollars, but this one is awfully affordable. It’s something whole families buy, a great gift.
But really, do you have friends, family, neighbors around that you can tell about this? You do! That’s all we ask, just tell your friends, family, neighbors good things.
The man pulls plastic sheets off a much larger clear plastic reservoir. He places a large black diffuser atop the reservoir.
Okay, now how long have you lived in this house? Two years, huh?
Are you from the area? Ah, the next town over.
Do you have hay fever, allergies, asthma? No?
Well this big air purifier is going to help you out. It’s going to clear the air of any allergens and irritants--
The man is interrupted; the woman expresses timid disinterest. The scrawny man stares at her, blankly--the space of a heartbeat, the depth of a shallow breath.
Well if you have hay fever, bad allergies, asthma, this is going to--
He is interrupted again, but with a hint of vehemence, a whiff of fear. He stares at the woman with cold curiosity. They don’t usually interrupt.
The man begins piling things back into the battered box, pulling plastic over the reservoir, the purifier.
The woman radiates relief. She says something about wasted time.
Well thank you, ma’am, I appreciate that. We’re just new here in town and we really need to move some of these here units.
My boss has us traveling all over the place; we’re based out of Boise. Our headquarters are there, but we’re opening a new store right down town.
He unplugs the small unit, still bubbling, from the wall.
Now ma’am if you can just dump the water out of this.
The woman carries the reservoir back to the sink, pours it out. As she walks the man keeps talking.
Now we’ve been all over the place. We drove up from Nevada, Utah. I didn’t like Salt Lake at all. It just never ends. I hate cities, they’re all the same.
But I like small towns like this one. I grew up in Missoura, and I don’t miss the humidity at all. Like breathing a swamp through a straw.
As he talks he bundles the battered boxes under one arm, hooks the weathered mini-purifier around a finger, scoops up the worn black leather case in the same hand. He can’t open the storm door himself.
He is still talking as the woman lets him out and shuts both doors firmly behind him.
The woman sees him standing on the porch for a few minutes more, holding his boxes and bag.
An unmarked black van pulls around the block, the saleswoman in the driver’s seat. He lopes toward it, throws the boxes inside and the van peels out of the neighborhood, toward the highway out of town.
Thank you, as always, to the Foster crew for their comments and encouragement and editing. I’m looking at you, Chris Angelis, Russell Smith, Daniel Sisson, Caryn Tan, and Jude Klinger.
Deliciously creepy!!